ive been dreaming recently

you invaded my dreams smoothly
without my consent.
you are getting good at
it.
played a game you suggested: you chased me and i ran
around.
when you caught and pinned me down, you whispered
in my ear that you wanted to
i was interrupted by the sound and left you there
tried, but just could not go back to get you in time. in a
different situation, there you were;
it is wrong to think and obsess over you-
wanting what a body can not possess
i am not that lucky.
said you like pink and pull black pretty
swell. took my soul and left
my heart to sink.
i know everyone goes
any damn place they please;
even tho it is a short visit,
i never want it to end.
because i know i cannot see you
when i wake up.
wanting to be with
you,
i dream

I have been hearing it all over &
saw the change that is
occuring.
Friends &
strangers are all gone. I feel it,
their departure is shifting me away -
perhaps driving me to me. They
no longer contact me. I
no longer contact anyone;
living in an empty
world & an empty
house.
Pseudo smiles & laughs
what is the point - ?!
I wanted to call you & tell you
to listen to me whine while you comfort me.
I could not, I did not call you up
do not ask me ask me 'why?'
in my imagination, I knew you would not be able to provide me what I request. Tried to search for an answer in the bottle & it was not too much to handle, no. Eyes getting heavier: sounds registered in my brain; night wind invites sooth me well & my weary mind.
Perhaps it is the colour of the sun cutting flat or the weather or something like that. Honey, you are on my mind.
I am afraid of what I have done to you. I wish I could rewind. I wish I can dream the last time we were together. I wish for another chance with you, I would do it right if I do. I can not detergent myself from me, of what I am becoming. I try my best & come to work early to be on time, but I know I am changing. Changing from who I used to be. I want to phone you so bad, just to hear your voice. I do not know what would happen if I do, like the last time, you may tell me that you are busy to attend a party
out of town. You
frighten me
terrify me.
I want to
but I should not
I would not.
I phone her instead. She has a great laugh, she is same age as you & she likes me. She shouts & sings my name & makes me laugh. She recited lines from Bobby Dee - & I just want to make love right then & there.
I see it as a blessing: the change. Everything is what I allow to be. I am learning to walk in order to run. Being on my own is hard. They do not understand, but she understands, she calms me down. Nobody understands except my brother in D.C. & me. Nevertheless, I can not squander my effort & time in/to/with assholes here: different perspectives involves different universe & creation & innovation.
I am bound to leave this town without a sound.

11275015

Take a walk
outside on troubled roads
thru the brick walls.
Do not look
at them in the eyes,
but walk on.
Pass thru their whispers & invites.
It's alright,
it won't happen like this
again.
Just have to know your
ways to go &
find some
one who
cares.
The sky's not the limit if you
look up
& wonder.
Be yourself,
those who mind don't
matter & those who
matter don't
mind.
Am I wrong wrong wrong ?
Tell me: "No, you're not."
Ease my mind and perhaps I'll
sing you a song.
I know you'd
love that.
Please tell me tell me you want me.
I just missed the last train
and don't want to miss you too.
Darling I am not good at complimenting
as well as apologizing.
Keep me & I will keep you thru.
I want to see you
I want to hold you
I want to hear you
I want to love you
tonight.

They are trying
to make me an
insider. A body
that I
can never be.
Thru & out
by the rules
of the tongue
& where
the eyes meet,
I
am closer.
Closer becomes
further, further
becomes closer:
something they will never see.
What is right is
no longer
valid,
what is left is left
to be
burned.
Rush it
push it
or get bit- it is your jurisdiction to be fit.
Get something to
chew/eat & sit,
"Where can I go to get some sleep?"
I gotta find
a spot
to keep-
"By the end of this,
I'll get you
to admit that you tried to fit. &
want me to come to meet."
But the last time
I took a peek, I
did not see what
you should have shown
me.
I know what I am about,
do not come up & test me.
They come & go & some
return,
& some are
long lost;
& some are
never here nor there
& some are
irksome to
bum;
& some are just a mistake from the start;
& some are worth the time to try;
& some are able to be forgotten
while some are never to be lost.
I know you know that I know
what I am about & what
you are capable of. I would never
have her if you want her.
I got other things to do than her, I
promise that I would not trick
so be a sport & leave while you
can & see it &
hear it & breath it & eat it
& sleep on it & walk it & fuck it & shit & put it in and spit & shove it or
suck it: -
as long as you do
not try to make me fit.

11275008

Nobody told me
it would be like this.
I can hear the cats
in the alley way hiss, trying
to prove a point.
I have tried my best & have missed.
I don't want to go
that way with you.
Why are you so hard ?

I feel
like crying,
but my eyes are dry, like a
desert.
Let down your guard,
you can do that with me.
Tomorrow is never promised darling,
come away with me.
We can watch the sun rise.
Why are you so hard?
I just want to be with you.

11274021