I have been hearing it all over &
saw the change that is
occuring.
Friends &
strangers are all gone. I feel it,
their departure is shifting me away -
perhaps driving me to me. They
no longer contact me. I
no longer contact anyone;
living in an empty
world & an empty
house.
Pseudo smiles & laughs
what is the point - ?!
I wanted to call you & tell you
to listen to me whine while you comfort me.
I could not, I did not call you up
do not ask me ask me 'why?'
in my imagination, I knew you would not be able to provide me what I request. Tried to search for an answer in the bottle & it was not too much to handle, no. Eyes getting heavier: sounds registered in my brain; night wind invites sooth me well & my weary mind.
Perhaps it is the colour of the sun cutting flat or the weather or something like that. Honey, you are on my mind.
I am afraid of what I have done to you. I wish I could rewind. I wish I can dream the last time we were together. I wish for another chance with you, I would do it right if I do. I can not detergent myself from me, of what I am becoming. I try my best & come to work early to be on time, but I know I am changing. Changing from who I used to be. I want to phone you so bad, just to hear your voice. I do not know what would happen if I do, like the last time, you may tell me that you are busy to attend a party
out of town. You
frighten me
terrify me.
I want to
but I should not
I would not.
I phone her instead. She has a great laugh, she is same age as you & she likes me. She shouts & sings my name & makes me laugh. She recited lines from Bobby Dee - & I just want to make love right then & there.
I see it as a blessing: the change. Everything is what I allow to be. I am learning to walk in order to run. Being on my own is hard. They do not understand, but she understands, she calms me down. Nobody understands except my brother in D.C. & me. Nevertheless, I can not squander my effort & time in/to/with assholes here: different perspectives involves different universe & creation & innovation.
I am bound to leave this town without a sound.

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